Why Having Haters is Amazing + What To Do About Them

by sol ballard

We’ve all had some, we’ve all known some, and perhaps we have even been one. Yes, I am talking about haters. When a reader wrote to me the other day asking me how she should deal with these ruthless people, I knew it was time to write about it. First of all, if you have a hater, congratulations! Rejoice. Pop a bottle of champagne. Post it on Facebook. Celebrate in whatever way feels good to you. Why, you ask? Well its simple. Having a hater means you are stirring things up somehow. You know, putting your dent in the world. You are doing things that make people stop and take notice. Your force is so strong that others are now making opinions and evaluating you.

Love Haters Fans

You are doing things so unbelievably well that people need to find “weak spots” to fool themselves into believing that you are not even all that. So in return, they can feel better about whom they are. When people hate on you, IT’S NOT EVEN REALLY ABOUT YOU. In fact, it has little to do with you. You were just the person that happened to remind them of how much they dislike their own self. Which is sad, really. You may or may not know that I am a public speaker. One of the topics that I speak on that is dear and close to my heart is bullying. (Let’s face it, some haters are just adult bullies.) I like to end my bullying presentations with this thought:

Those who are happy and have a heart full of joy go around and spread that joy. They spread love. They want others to be happy with them. Mean people, who go around and bring others down, are people who are suffering inside, therefore, reflecting what is in their heart.

When you let a hater bring you down, you are subjecting yourself to their insecurities that, as I mentioned, have nothing to do with you. Hating is just a cry for help. The haters are letting you know their self-esteem is bruised.

Tips and tricks

If you are ever in a position where you don’t have an option but to deal with a hater (e.g. work, common friends, business, zumba class… etc) here are some golden tips and tricks you can put up your sleeve to alleviate the situation.

  •   Don’t hold direct eye contact. Weird, I know, but a new study conducted by Psychological Science states that in adverse situations, holding eye contact can make others more resistant to you since it could be associated with dominance and intimidation. Try looking at their mouth instead or other areas of their face.
  • If you want/have to diffuse your feud with your hater- praise them. No, I am not talking about kissing their a$$.  Find something you genuinely admire about the hater and let them know.  According to Forbes, the hater might see this as surprisingly good taste on your part and this may begin to dilute any antagonistic feelings.
  • Whatever you do, NEVER EVER be fake. People can instinctively tell when you are not being real. For example, if you fake a smile, others congenitally know it’s phony since certain small eye muscles don’t smile with your mouth.  If you must smile or be pleasant around your hater, try finding a real reason to smile or be happy then direct your glance at them. Being fake can actually aggravate  your situation.
  • Instead of hating back, why not send some positive energy their way? If you are spiritual like me, say a silent prayer so that they find peace in their heart.  “People need loving the most when they deserve it the least.”

Once away from the hater release them from your mind and carry on with your amazing self. For every one hater in your life, there are hundreds of people who will adore you and want to see you succeed. So focus on all the good happy hearts.

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I’d love to hear from you. In the comments below tell me your biggest success story with dealing with a hater.

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Tons of love, Sol

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