I made difficult people disappear doing this

by solballard

Hello Friends,

Back in my not-so-happy days I was surrounded by negative people and “friends” who did not have my best interest in mind. I was desperate to make them disappear and luckily I found a way how.  I now want to show you how you can make difficult people in your life disappear- for good! Good news is that life will be easier and the so-so news is that it’s not magic, you will have to do some inner work but the results will be amazing!

Dealing with others is a huge part of our daily lives (unless you live in a cave in the Himalayas) and people sure know how to test our growth and our patience, which is why I was inspired to answer this week’s question from a lovely long-time reader:

 

Sol,

Something I have been constantly debating is doing right by people regardless of their actions (selfish, putting themselves first etc) versus saying, “Screw everybody!” and just worry about me. In my heart, I believe in doing right, but the world has a way of disappointing. Any insight will help!

-Tara

Dear Tara,

I love this question. I love it so much because there are several options for situations like these. We are going to walk down a number of steps so that you can eventually find that step(s) that best suit(s) you.

I am going to give it to you straight, Tara, because there is no sugar coating here on solballard.com. Some of these options you will like and some you might have a hard time with, but it seems to me you are looking to grow as a person so here it is:

  1. First thing first, perception is projection. We not only pick what we decide to focus on but we add our own special meaning to it.  We all have different versions of what our reality is, it is not uncommon to bring your past into the present when you are triggered. That means that negative outcomes from our past can be re-lived when someone or something does something that reminds you of it. So dig through your baggage and see if there is anything that you need to flush out of your system or reconsider how you are interpreting that person and their actions. Can you add a different meaning to their actions so that you don’t get bothered when they do certain things?

How the hell do I do that? See step two.

  1. Next thing you can do is to see the person and the situation under a different lens. Are there other potential reasons for their behavior other than the ones you have attached to them? Perhaps they are going through something horrible which does not allow them to think of anything else but their feelings? Maybe you are comparing these people to what you think they should be like? Are your expectations sky-high? I can already hear you saying that there is no other reason why these people are the way they are so there is no need to reconsider. My reply to you is, how has that type of thinking served you? That way of thinking has only made you feel disappointed in people and closed your mind to believe your way of thinking is the only option possible. To grow as people, we must rid ourselves of our old mindsets and explore healthier ones.

But what if you are right? What if the people you have surrounded yourself with are a bunch of self-centered a**holes?

  1. If you have whole-heartedly cleared out your baggage and haven’t tried to mold people into your liking all while seeing different angles of the situation and you still believe that you really are in fact surrounded by people who disappoint you, then you my friend need to step up to the plate and speak up. You can spark up a conversation with, “ I understand that you feel that you need to (fill in the blank) but it would really mean a lot to me if in the future you would (fill in the blank).” Maybe you just need to get them to see your angle and then you can hash things out that way and learn how to deal with each other.

 Still didn’t work? See the next step.

  1. Throw your deuces up and walk away. Seriously, you need to. Some people are just not a match for you and your personality and other people are just toxic. If someone is not willing to find a way to interact harmoniously so that you both are comfortable, then it is not a relationship worth pursuing. These people will end up consuming all of your energy. Find people that empower you and make you feel at your best, and watch how your attitude about people changes.

In your question you said you were torn by doing right, or just focusing on you. It is not just one or the other but what’s right for the situation. You should never compromise yourself over anyone else. A healthy relationship is a give-and-take one. You can only inspire positive change in others but you can never change a person.  So accept people as they are and adjust minor changes, or simply find a better fit.

I hope this helps!

 If you or any of your friends have a question you want answered (it can be done anonymously) don’t be shy and send it over to sol@solballard.com. 

Tons of love,

Sol

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